the intentional family

This week, I read a book entitled The Intentional Family, written by family therapist and educator William Doherty. The purpose of the book is to strengthen relationships within families through the use of everyday rituals. Doherty defines a ritual as something that is repeated, coordinated, and significant. For example, parents and children can have a bedtime ritual of reading a story together before the child is tucked in for the night; couples can have a ritual of sharing a kiss and a meaningful conversation every day after coming home from work. Rituals can be simple, but the point is that they are intentional.

As I read this book, I realized that my childhood was riddled with rituals that strengthened my relationships with my siblings and parents; I would like to share just one with you. Every Sunday, my family would get together to have "Family Council." We would discuss our upcoming plans for the next week, establish goals, and review our family principles. While this is in and of itself a ritual, my favorite part of family council was something we named "Front and Centers." Each person in our family would take turns standing front and center, and then everyone would share one or two things that person had done well during the past week. It was a way for my family to reflect on the merits of each family member, and celebrate each other's accomplishments.

Front and Centers always made me feel that I was important and had something to offer, even when I was still very young. This mattered to me because I knew that my parents (and older brothers) were proud of me. Recognizing others vocally for the things they do well or for the attributes they possess is a sure way to strengthen relationships.

I don't live at home now, I'm not in a family setting, and I don't participate in a weekly family council, but I am surrounded by people. I can use my words to compliment my roommates, classmates, and other people I come in contact with. This week I will give a sincere compliment to someone each day, a version of Front and Centers. By extending this Garrett family ritual into the rest of my life, I will hopefully brighten someone's day and build stronger bonds of friendship and connection.